Poem

Meine dilemma…

Far and far as I keep walking, distance I measure, depth goes ignored.

I dive, I delve, I whirl, I swirl, keep walking, unalarmed of the trench that lies below.

Like the sea, I know, I can never bind the shore, yet, each moment I weaken the shoreline by my wetness.

Rivers come in and fulfill me, yet my heart lies at the coast.

Today I stand at a point, a place to which leads two ways, one I know its destination, another seems foggy, stony path.

The paradoxical heart leads me towards the invincible.

Personal blog

2017…. you have been good to me!

(Personal pictures; london trip)

So I am back to the UK after a long vacation at home. I start work tomorrow. Fresh new start!

This has been such an exciting year for me. Honestly almost all the good things happened within these 365 days. Here goes my list…

(Marine drive beach, Mumbai)

(Best moments of 2017, personal pics)

Dreams, goals and wins:

1. Certified Anaesthesiologist. Completed my training and passed the exams.

2. Gold medalist. Completely unexpected. I secured 1st position in the university. My parents were proud and accepted the medal on my behalf.

3. My dream. I moved to the UK for work! It has always been my dream job.

4. I introduced the love of my life to my parents. (Its a big deal in India!)

5. Financial savings. Until now I had saved nothing.

6. I travelled, although within UK.

7. I bought a couple of bags I always wanted. (I am a little bit materialistic.. lol)

8. I met and socialised with most of my family members and friends. It was amazing because I have always missed out on this. This year I made special efforts.

9. I started a blog! I had given up on writing since almost 6 years.

10. I met a wonderful person. I have very few friends, but those are the people I love with all of my heart. I made a new friend this year who joined my inner circle. I count this as one of the best wins.

(Personal pics; England country side)

Aspirations, hopes and plans:

1. To complete FRCA exams.

2. To travel, travel and travel. As much as possible and within my means.

3. To get married!! Well its a little bit complicated.

4. To be a good person. Seriously!

5. Health. To exercise regularly and eat clean.

6. To dedicate my time for myself and my family.

Too many hopes and dreams.

This year has been exceptionally kind towards me. I woke up feeling happy this morning.

Well I plan to spend new years eve with a few of my friends at home. Life is unpredictable.

(Thailand vacation)

Live in this moment. Be happy. Let go of the past.

These are cliches…. but that’s what life is made up of…

I wish you all a very happy and blessed new year. Cheers!

Personal blog

The day I saved a life….

Its almost the end of 2017. I had one of my usual brooding moments, introspecting everything I have done and failed to do. Thinking hard about a bucket list I had stashed away.

I jogged my memory to find some adventure that I accomplished. Somehow even river rafting did not quite fit the bill. To be honest I have not travelled much except for education or work. And then it came to me.

So the most exciting and fulfilling thing I ever did was, I saved a life!

I was into my second year of training. Was posted in the cardiac catheterization lab. Routine cardiac stenting was going on. I was hungry and desperately waiting for my lunch break. Thats when I heard the code blue.

As I rushed into one of the suites, a woman in her 40s was on the operating table, gasping for breath. Clearly the procedure was complicated and one of the blood vessel supplying the heart had been punctured. There were no seniors around. As an Anaesthesiologist I immediately stood at the head end. I was terrified. The cardiologists immediately started chest compressions.

I had an adrenaline rush. And being newly ACLS educated, I started what I supposed to do. I supported her with oxygen. After 3 rounds of chest compressions there was very little hope. And then her venous line access came off. We had no way of administering drugs. I decided to take charge. I handed the airway management to one of my colleagues and immediately established an access on her foot.

Once access was in, drugs given and I could intubate her. So she was adequately oxygenated. And meanwhile we got a pulse. So we attached inotropes (medicines to increase heart activity and help maintain blood pressure). Cardiologist decided to shift her to ICU, and on the way she dropped her blood pressure again. I rushed to the foot end and lifted both her legs up. (To increase blood flow to heart). It kind of helped.

We came back and resumed rest of the cases.

A week later I went to the ICU to check on some other patient. And there she was, sitting upright on the bed, having her meal and talking to her son.

It was that moment, one of the greatest moments in my life. I contributed to saving a life. I was part of the team. Nothing can beat that feeling.

Its our job profile. I know. But I feel blessed to be a part of this process.

No matter how many adventures I embark upon in the future, it will always be one of my greatest.

Personal blog

My week long experiment with kindness…

Well isn’t it so much easier to be mean than kind?

Being kind would mean having to help others, that would require doing things. Whereas you could always say NO and get away with it.

Back home I was waiting in a long queue to purchase a train ticket, I saw a lady who was clearly late for work and arguing with the railway official as she could not produce adequate change to purchase the ticket. Well in India not all places will have the facility to pay with cards. She was very distressed and I realised I did have the necessary change amount I could help her with. But that would require digging deep in my bag and waste of my precious 5 minutes. So I did not bother helping her.

For some reason that incident continued to bother me throughout the day. And that kind of triggered this idea. I decided to try to be kind to people for a week to start with. With whatever small things I could help them with.

So I started at home. Letting my sister borrow my stuff. I couldn’t believe it when it was so difficult to part with my things with my own sister!

I gave up my seat on the train to an elderly lady.

I complimented my female friends for their achievements. ( To be honest that was difficult as well)

I helped a colleague with his UK medical registration process.

I donated some money to a blind man on the streets with a beautiful voice.

I helped my cousin run errands a day before her wedding.

I passed by my ex and resisted bringing hateful thoughts in my mind.

I smiled at strangers.

I avoided gossiping.

What I learnt in a week?

Being kind is so much difficult. Its like working out, difficult to begin with but as you progress it becomes a natural rhythm. It releases endorphins. I was a much happier person at end of that week. I had positive thoughts. And all I did was be kind within my own comfort zone.

Hats off to the people who dedicate their whole life to humanity. Maybe being kind causes a ripple effect as well. A smile to a stranger may make their day, encouraging them to be kind to someone else.

I truly believe in one mantra, ‘be good, do good’. Its time I start practising what I preach. Do try being kind in the smallest possible way, and it won’t fail to delight you.

Poem

A woman….

Created with the purpose of companionship, she makes a man’s life complete.

So gentle, so meek, with no powers to behold, she seems so petite.

She faces a battle all through her life, her integrity being questioned even before birth.

She is scrutinised with accusing eyes, the torment doesn’t end even when she returns to earth.

She is the greatest symbol of love and strength, makes every man fall in debt to her womb.

Fears not a herculian task, can even make mountains move.

She is the epitome of beauty, dignity and purity are the jewels she adorns.

She drapes feminity around her, modesty is what she carries all along.

As her life proceeds, she unravels her abilities. As a lover, she is passionate, as a mother, she seems divine.

As a woman she has been a inspiration to all till date.

Such a beautiful persona needs to be respected. Not perceived as a lustful object.

Some believe in ruling her over, but her role as God’s angel, one cannot reject.

Poem

Sweet child of mine….

For the man I fell in love with unconditionally……

Unaware as I was, facing alone the strife, when destiny seeded you in me, at the crossroads of my life.

Not my womb, but my heart I choose, to nurse you like a bud of rose.

As time passed you were still unknown, until my soul inside began to moan.

I could feel our hearts beating in a rhythm, a fact that I, jus couldn’t fathom.

With time you grew in me, our souls entangled, me battling the forces upon you which were angled.

Just as I realized your presence; me, you had conquered, my senses, my life, all to you were anchored.

My sweet child you give me eternal happiness, giving me strength to put my life out of mess.

In me I have kept you safe and strong, nursed you tenderly, shielded you against the wrong.

Part of me, to you my child, I dedicate, unsure of what in future for me awaits.

In me I have moulded, caressed you dearly, my love, warmth holding on to you tightly.

My baby you mean the word to me, yet my love you fail to see.

The time is passing, soon I will have to set you free, all this while my trapped soul is crying out, just with you to be.

Personal blog, Uncategorized

Instagram vs blogging

Fake vs anonymous life….

I am an active ‘instagrammer’. I post selfies, travel pics, things I buy, things I own. Sounds like a self obsessed person, doesn’t it? Well it took me a long time to accept the harsh reality. In no time I went from being an instagrammer to being instaobsessed.

I started blogging very recently, and after some introspection I was able to compare the two.

Instagram:

Well I have been posting on instagram since 2013. Isn’t it like a great platform? People from all over the world posting pictures. A great way to show others what we have been upto.

For every single picture I post, it takes me 20-30 minutes to select it, edit, add filters which make me look flawless, add hashtags and then post it. When I go out I feel the need to click the moments and post it so people can see me and appreciate what I do. Haha and that appreciation is in the form of followers I gain and likes I get.

Like me there are so many people out there. So now I get to live my life, filtered, edited and validated by strangers! And what did I gain from this? Momentary superficial pleasure. I wasn’t contributing anything through this platform. I wasn’t learning. All I did was compare my life with others.

Blogging:

I started blogging a month back. I used to compose poems and write essays in the past. After a while I stopped feeling inspired. I gave up writing. Immersed myself in education and work. One night it got me thinking. All I concentrate on is work. I am not a literature genius, but atleast I used to write. And I had given up that too. So if I were to disconnect myself from being a doctor, I would be stripped naked!

So I wanted to make an attempt. And hence the blog. To be honest with you, right now I am on night shift, writing this blog. I come across so many inspiring people here on wordpress. Every single comment from you guys on whatever I write gives me so much happiness. I am motivated to think. Its like rebuilding a part of my personality. I blog anonymously but I tell real stories.

I am making attempts to instastop!