Poem

Meine dilemma…

Far and far as I keep walking, distance I measure, depth goes ignored.

I dive, I delve, I whirl, I swirl, keep walking, unalarmed of the trench that lies below.

Like the sea, I know, I can never bind the shore, yet, each moment I weaken the shoreline by my wetness.

Rivers come in and fulfill me, yet my heart lies at the coast.

Today I stand at a point, a place to which leads two ways, one I know its destination, another seems foggy, stony path.

The paradoxical heart leads me towards the invincible.

Personal blog

My week long experiment with kindness…

Well isn’t it so much easier to be mean than kind?

Being kind would mean having to help others, that would require doing things. Whereas you could always say NO and get away with it.

Back home I was waiting in a long queue to purchase a train ticket, I saw a lady who was clearly late for work and arguing with the railway official as she could not produce adequate change to purchase the ticket. Well in India not all places will have the facility to pay with cards. She was very distressed and I realised I did have the necessary change amount I could help her with. But that would require digging deep in my bag and waste of my precious 5 minutes. So I did not bother helping her.

For some reason that incident continued to bother me throughout the day. And that kind of triggered this idea. I decided to try to be kind to people for a week to start with. With whatever small things I could help them with.

So I started at home. Letting my sister borrow my stuff. I couldn’t believe it when it was so difficult to part with my things with my own sister!

I gave up my seat on the train to an elderly lady.

I complimented my female friends for their achievements. ( To be honest that was difficult as well)

I helped a colleague with his UK medical registration process.

I donated some money to a blind man on the streets with a beautiful voice.

I helped my cousin run errands a day before her wedding.

I passed by my ex and resisted bringing hateful thoughts in my mind.

I smiled at strangers.

I avoided gossiping.

What I learnt in a week?

Being kind is so much difficult. Its like working out, difficult to begin with but as you progress it becomes a natural rhythm. It releases endorphins. I was a much happier person at end of that week. I had positive thoughts. And all I did was be kind within my own comfort zone.

Hats off to the people who dedicate their whole life to humanity. Maybe being kind causes a ripple effect as well. A smile to a stranger may make their day, encouraging them to be kind to someone else.

I truly believe in one mantra, ‘be good, do good’. Its time I start practising what I preach. Do try being kind in the smallest possible way, and it won’t fail to delight you.

Poem

Sweet child of mine….

For the man I fell in love with unconditionally……

Unaware as I was, facing alone the strife, when destiny seeded you in me, at the crossroads of my life.

Not my womb, but my heart I choose, to nurse you like a bud of rose.

As time passed you were still unknown, until my soul inside began to moan.

I could feel our hearts beating in a rhythm, a fact that I, jus couldn’t fathom.

With time you grew in me, our souls entangled, me battling the forces upon you which were angled.

Just as I realized your presence; me, you had conquered, my senses, my life, all to you were anchored.

My sweet child you give me eternal happiness, giving me strength to put my life out of mess.

In me I have kept you safe and strong, nursed you tenderly, shielded you against the wrong.

Part of me, to you my child, I dedicate, unsure of what in future for me awaits.

In me I have moulded, caressed you dearly, my love, warmth holding on to you tightly.

My baby you mean the word to me, yet my love you fail to see.

The time is passing, soon I will have to set you free, all this while my trapped soul is crying out, just with you to be.

Poem

It was love and nothing more….

Conceived in my mind, born through my pen.

A poem composed by me

We met on life’s journey and instantly our hearts felt connected,

Time spent, words exchanged lead us in believing one future,

Destinations separate, we walked towards east and west.

Few years of commitment and we boasted about life,

Through thick and thin we did stand together, but those were just a few blows of wind,

Maturity made fools out of us, leading in the blind world of true love.

Eventually passion rekindled our romance, one thing leading to another,

Two immature people becoming one, without realizing its depth,

Interfered in God’s plan and made a rule,’made for one another’.

Now I see life laughing at me through its meanest grin,

I, a natural fool, expected mountains out of mole hills,

Accepted the illusion that everything only belonged to me,

Now heart has stopped beating, and brain started ticking.

Love doesn’t mean you own a persons life,

Sacrifice, easy to say, but difficult as counting specks of sand,

My immaturity facts are brought to light,

After all it was just love between us, and nothing more…..

Uncategorized

Laws of attraction…

Its been a long long time since my last post.. Got busy with a few presentation and emergency duties…

Well this topic is not very ‘enlightening’!

To begin with the story, I met Sam (not the real name, of course!) when I was working last year. He was senior to me. The day I met him I was blown away. Not by his looks, by his personality, intelligence, style, nature and yes his looks. Sam has that kind of effect on everyone around him.

To me he was a greek god, whom I admired relentlessly. And hello! I am a Leo, headstrong and not so easily impressed! Also I am 29, so not so dreamy about guys. And to top it off I was in a relationship with a guy I love to death.

All my colleagues used to surround him every single day to chat about patients and everything else. And I desperately wanted to be a part of that group. I tried to initial resist the charms, but eventually gave in. People used to often ask me as to why do I blush around him, but then every female did the same. Oh god when he used to walk in the hospital every morning, so radiant, with a big smile on his face. On rounds, he used to teach us and explain all our doubts. He was the only person interested and capable of teaching us. So basically I admired him.

And sadly he left our hospital in 4 months. That was the last I would see of him. We bid him farewell with a heavy heart.

So then it began. We started texting each other. Just normal routine stuff like hospital gossips initially, later our likes dislikes. I didn’t quite realize when I developed an attraction towards him. To be very honest it was more of an intellectual attraction more than physical. I started texting him more often and he reciprocated as well. He began sending me his pictures and I bombarded him with compliments. He did reveal a little bit of his emotional side as well. I was happy to have him talk to me on a daily basis.

And then suddenly it stopped. Like it just came to a halt. I was puzzled. I was too proud to text him and ask. I was too proud to ask an explanation. I tried to forget him. But to be very honest he was stuck in my mind. He was always there in the background.

After a few months he spoke to me on social media, and these thoughts just came all back to me. Why did he stop talking? Why do I have this insane attraction even after 9 months? Why do I obsessively keep checking his social media?

I am not in love with him and I am sure of that. All I need is some closure….

Uncategorized

Doctress in distress

The dating dilemma…..

 

blog pic    Dating disasters! We all have faced a few.

Well this is my perspective of it. Perspective of a 29 years old, female physician, belonging to a moderately conservative family.

When my friends talk about guys there are various categories to pick from. Funny, smart, cute, handsome, intelligent, rich, tall, physique etc etc etc. Permutations and combinations that lead to so many choices.

However I have just three….

  1. Medic
  2. Non medic
  3. Perfect family approved guy

The third type almost never exists. Well many of my female colleagues would agree to this.

So having dated the first two types let me get into details.

The Medic……..

This is the most common type I meet. And would you blame me? Having spent most of my time studying to be a doctor!

Pros:

  • Comfort zone. You always have something to discuss about.
  • Medical advice. You always have someone to discuss cases and seek solutions.
  • Nerds. Well who doesn’t want to spend some nerd time?
  • Compatibility. Working nights and weekends. You do not have to explain these crazy work hours.
  • Confidence. They do not get intimidated by your education or the money you make.
  • Degrees. You can always study and get the extra experience you want to pursue.
  • Love stories. Well spending most of your time working or studying, you are bound to fall in love with someone at medical school or hospitals.

Cons:

  • Familiarity. Work, personal and family somehow gets merged into this endless medical saga. Its all you talk about at times!
  • Egomaniacs: Don’t get me wrong, you may end up finding these fine specimen who put their career above yours and expect you to take a backseat.
  • Debts. Both may have huge medical school debts. It may slow down the settling part.
  • Social life. Well both working shifts, you may end up missing your social outings and fun dates.
  • Medico kids. Hahaha, you may end up wanting your kids to pursue medicine.
  • Long distance. Works well with medics.

The non-medic……..

Pros:

  • Novel: Its outside your comfort zone. Its a fresh twist to the usual drama.
  • Socially better. You tend to make time for dates.
  • Knowledge. You learn a thing or two about his job profile. Something other than diseases!
  • Popularity. Well his friends and family may refer to you as the smart one. (Everyone likes to be praised. Lol.)
  • Family time. He may be able to accommodate family events when you have to work late.

Cons:

  • Availability. Where would you meet these guys if you are always working?
  • Age. Well by the time we are done studying and think of finding ‘the one’, its usually the late 20’s or early 30’s. So we are the older women!
  • Insecurity. You may tend to earn a bit more than you man. Its not always perceived well.
  • Ambitions. Sometimes your zest for education comes across as prioritising career over family.
  • Snob. We are considered uptight. (Never could understand this aspect)

Perfect family approved

Well honestly, I am yet to meet one. But I feel he would be the perfect mix of all the pros from above categories.

P.s. He doesn’t exist!

Well these are just my experiences and thoughts. Just a few things I learnt in my quest for the ‘ONE’.

‘What you seek is seeking you’ – Rumi